The Annual Brag

14 Dec 2009 2 Comments

by Clare Macnaughton in Blogging, Opinion, Rambling nonsense Tags: Merry Christmas Happy New Year Superman Life Lessons Grenade Delicious

(The last blog of 2009)

The Christmas card season is upon us. I am striking a balance between supporting The Royal Mail and posting Christmas postcards, but saving the environment by not using an envelope. With the cards, also comes the dreaded folded sheet of A4 with ‘The Annual Brag’, regaling the years successes, but barely covering the annual disasters.

In the spirit of the newsletter, sort of, here is ours, warts and all, chez Macnaughties:

Me
The year opened with alcoholic abstinence, and complete lock down, as I started the writing marathon. 12 weeks later the 100,000 manuscript was handed in, and then with a 2 further months in the edit. It was a pretty horrific experience on many levels, without telling tales out of school. I should have known that it would mark the start of what was an incredibly turbulent year, full of agonies and ecstacies. I still can’t work out if ‘Immediate Response’ is blessed, or cursed. Weeks before the book was launched lack of Chinooks dominated the front page, every national newspaper and broadcaster wanted a piece of the Major. Only hours before it was released in a draconian move, the Major was prevented from speaking to the media, when it really mattered, only to be allowed to speak when the bus was missed.

The book kept its head above water, but without the much needed media circus its day was short lived, and it has now been relegated to the history sections of the books shelves. Then it was a reported that Chinook was shot down in Afghanistan. Having spent 5 months incarcerated in the notion that this was inevitable, and also in a bizarre way, isolated because we weren’t living at RAF Odiham, it really knocked me for six. Especially, as it was the first time in British history that a Chinook had been lost on the battlefield, under enemy fire.

I learnt a lot about myself. I have an enormous ego. I am a control freak. I couldn’t emotionally handover the book. I invested so much energy into its creation, and although I know it is the Major’s story, I feel like the book is mine. I can’t change that, but I know that I have to pipe down. I can never ghost again.

I had hoped that it would launch my writing career but it hasn’t. Publishing is in dark days. There are not a lot of commissions to be had, plus I don’t particularly want to stay in the military genre. I am working on a below stairs, non-fiction satire on the superyacht industry. My agents will look at it once it’s written so I am back to earning a crust through my PR business.

My editor at Penguin has said, that I did an ‘exceptional job’ and for a first time ghostwriter to deliver something so accomplished was hens-teeth rare, and so too is making the top ten of the bestseller list with your debut.

And, also, watch out for the paperback launch on the 25th March.

It did come at price though. We are definitely a few friends down, and although I am confident in my ability as a writer now, I am a long way from being an acknowledged one. I now know that I am a maverick through and through. I hate being told what to do, and I think I would stubbornly, be a poor, penniless, nothing than be gripped, by the control of another. Lots of on the horizon workwise, which is encouraging, and also, we move back to RAF Odiham, an hour closer to London in March, which just makes life easier to manage.

On the bright side, I am also have some new, amazing friend’s. This time of change will come with mixed emotions as we move on again but it’s been a blast. I love you all – you know who you are.

Hagar the Horrible (aka Biggles, the RAF CH47 pilot but desk driving at the moment)

The year opened with Hagar the Horrible having to assume the role of house elf, temporarily re-named to Dobby, but he was actually more Kreacher, than Dobby, but he knew the cause was a good one, so he soldiered on, keeping the home fires burning, raising the children, while I tapped, tapped, tapped at the keyboard. It’s a miserable life being tied to the chores while your partner works. Not that he was really in a position to complain, bearing in mind who he works for!

The timing was spectacular because literally as my workload decreased, his own job went mentalist. Then we received the amazing news that he had received a Mention-in-Dispatches for some crazy, kick ass job he did in theatre when he was flying. I was so proud. He is so incredible for a man, who wears his underpants on the inside of his trousers. I am just gutted that HM Queen Betty didn’t give it to him at her house, ( I did want to have a nosey at her soft furnishings) but it’s awesome that his efforts have been duly noted. They give so much to the cause, but it’s special when the cause gives something back. Obviously, they all deserve more. It goes without saying.

The Grenade (boy, aged 6)

The Grenade has gone from bottom of the class, bordering on special needs, to the middle. Due, of course, to us having to invest heavily in his education. Even with a financed education, we still have to create a ‘thumbs up’ chart for each breath that he takes. He still mainly thinks about dinosaurs, and is amazed that the rest of the world doesn’t devote the same degrees of energy and thought to this marvelous topic.

He is growing quickly, and is head taller than the rest of the class. He can now burp the alphabet.

The Bubbalicious (girl, aged 18 months)

The Bubbalicious is coming on leaps on bounds, she has already started organising the Grenade and gathering his chattels for him prior to the school run. She has become the naughty little sister, terrorising her older brother, and has mastered it to a fine art. Most significantly, stealing the remote control from him and sprinting out of the room, thus demonstrating that women annoying men by hiding the remote control is actually a genetic instinct. It is nature’s way. I can see now that a women’s role in life is to get men to do stuff they don’t want to do, and men’s role is to try and avoid doing it.

Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year

Who knows what 2010 brings….May The Force Be With You